Walken vs. Norris: Guest Star Edition #2 “Get a Room Already!”

You may or may not be familiar with Bear Grylls.  He’s the host of a television show “Man vs. Wild.”  The premise of the show is this man (Bear) is thrown into extraordinary wilderness experiences such as being stranded in the Sierra Nevada mountain range with nothing but the clothes on his back, the parachute he used to fall safely from the skies, and a knife.  Unlike Les Stroud of Survivorman, Bear is followed by a camera crew (Les is bad-ass and films his own stuff).  It has been alleged (proven at this point?) that Bear has occasionally received help from this crew and even spent a night here and there in hotels.
To be 100% frank, we at Walken vs. Norris don’t really have a problem with any of this.  Isn’t a big part of survival using the resources in front of (or in the case of a camera crew – behind) you?  If you didn’t leave home without it, why not use that Amex to get a room at the hotel, motel, Holiday Inn?
But the rooms at the Pines Resort hotel at Bass Lake are often booked this time of year.  If only one was available, with whom would you want to share?
Our Special Guest:  Bear Grylls:
While Bear may have horrible gas, brought on by his diet of bark, grubs, and the occasional raw cat-fish, I’m sure the BBC would pick-up the tab.  Plus, you’d have the added benefit of learning something new.  Wanna know the absolute DUMBEST way fjord a river?  What about how to NOT glissade (safely)?  Just ask Uncle Bear.
Crowd Favorite:  Christopher Walken
Do you like pina coladas?  And getting caught in the rain?  Do you like making love at midnight?  Well, if you opt to room with Walken, you better.  “The Continental” as they call him down at the Motel 6 (it’s not just a skit on SNL), is always up for a good time.  Sure, you may not get a lot of sleep, but the Chapagna will flow freely!
Security Specialist:  Chuck Norris
“In these troubled times” [DRINK!] you need to be more vigilant than ever.  While you may not think you have anything of significant value in your room, the criminals out there don’t know that.  What if they kick-in your door in the middle of the night?  What will you do?  If you opted to room with Bear Grylls, you know he’d just jump out the window.  And Walken, well he’d be busy watching one of his “bed-time stories.”  But if you’d opted to room with Chuck Norris, well, that’s a different story. Chuck Norris doesn’t get home-invaded – Chuck Norris does the invading.

Walken vs. Norris vs.  Bear Grylls

In round-two of Walken vs. Norris, Guest Star Edition.  Today’s Special Guest is Bear Grylls.

You may or may not be familiar with Bear Grylls.  He’s the host of a television show Man vs. Wild. The premise of the show is this man (Bear) is thrown into extraordinary wilderness experiences such as being stranded in the Sierra Nevada mountain range with nothing but the clothes on his back, the parachute he used to fall safely from the skies, and a knife.  Unlike Les Stroud of Survivorman, Bear is followed by a camera crew (Les is bad-ass and films his own stuff).  It has come to light, however, that Bear has occasionally received help from this crew and even spent a night here and there in hotels. Continue reading

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Walken vs. Norris: Guest Star Edition #1 “Anal Bum Cover”

Walken vs.  Norris vs. Shatner!

Ooops!  “That’s An Album Cover, not anal bum cover.”

Anyway, welcome to the first ever Walken vs. Norris, Guest Star Edition.  This week we’d like to Welcome William Shatner.  You may remember him from such hits as “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” “Rocket Man,” and “Do You Know Where You’re Going To?”

So it seems appropriate that today’s topic is Continue reading